Breaking News: Trump’s a Murderer, Clinton the Anti-Christ


A friend gave me this writing prompt and dared me to write a story in thirty minutes or less. So being an equal opportunity offender I decided to piss off, the north, south, republicans, democrats, the rich and the press!
Please Mr. Trump, don’t hate me. It’s only satire…


Gengis Kahn’s massage – the one you don’t walk away from….

Good Morning and welcome to the early morning edition. Sad news today, it seems that the entire Republican Party and several key lobbyists are dead this morning after accepting complimentary massages from the Donald Trump campaign offices.

Here’s Jonathan Harker on site at the republican convention headquarters with the details.

“Thank you Ted Baxter. I am here at the Trump Towers, the site of the republican national convention where at 10pm last night all hell broke loose. From what I am hearing all attendees and several interested parties were given a special perk this first day of the convention – a complimentary in-room Asian massage. This is part of Trump management’s new policy “A chicken in every pot and a massage in every room”

All conventioneers were delighted to take part in the in-room massages after a long day of chest puffing, glad handing and boring speeches. “One representative who had originally been angry for passing out and missing her massage is now all too happy to talk with us”

“Ma’am, ma’am could you remove the ice pack from your head and say a few words to the American public on what happened here last night?”

“Gosh almighty of course I can.  Just please don’t use my name or I will be excommunicated from the tea-totaling society of the south! I knew I shouldn’t have come up north to the devil’s playground. No good comes from consorting with all dem Yankee demons. I was sure suspect when they said a Mongolian massage, who ever heard of a Mongolian massage? I tell you! But, when I checked in there it was this instruction that after dinner we were to be in our rooms for 10pm, where we were to receive this special massage to relax us after the first day. Boy were they relaxed, I tell you…saw them wheeling out Mitch McConnell and he looked more like Strom Thurman with a purple tan, I’d say!”

“So you don’t know what happened in the rooms?”

“Glory, no! There’s no one left to tell us! You know they are saying that this was Donald’s strategy to secure the nomination, but I’m of the mind that it was that Hillary Clinton. Ooh! she is evil alright. Wouldn’t surprise me if that’s a wig and she is bald with a big ol’ 666 on her head!”

“Ah yes…well thank you…le-let go of my mic. Security! “. Two security guards drag her away still spouting Bible verses and how Mrs. Clinton was actually the anti-Christ.

“Well that was um-interesting. In talking with officials the victims were found with their heads twisted like Turkish taffy and half eaten Mongolian beef dishes in every room”

“Donald Trump has not been located for comment. For the early edition, I’m Jonathan Harker, bringing you all the updates as I get them. Now back to Ted in the studio.

Screen fades to black and then focuses on a profile of Ted Baxter obviously unaware that he’s on the air. “I wonder where they got that beef dish? If Hillary is the anti-Christ does that make Obama sat-t…whoa! We’re back! Thanks Jonathan that must have been one hell of a massage. We will bring you more news as soon as we get it…”


Ted just read the prompter!

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