November 2015

I almost didn’t write a letter this year. Like the city under this winter’s snow, I withdrew from the outside world by the end of March. The plight of our family problem had reached an apex and my heart froze over to protect the raw hurt that throbbed underneath. I searched my brain with most consternation on what I could possibly be thankful for this year and then I remembered that it’s in this time that I need to cling to my thankfulness and hope to see it turn to healing in the end. I’m still withdrawn and despite the summer, still frozen. But now I see elements of thankfulness.

 
It is with that intent I sat down and let myself see the flip side of each test I have been give and those who have had their part in bolstering my soul.

• I am thankful for the snow….
  

It provided me time to make sure my decisions were sound. That I did what I needed to and hopefully I will see things fall into place soon. I am thankful to the friends and family who have not abandoned me as I withdrew, but either wait in the wings or (when allowed) stepped in with a hand, a shoulder or whatever was needed. If you are getting this letter, you know how hard it is for me to ask for help. I suffer in silence most times, but I am slowly learning to open up. Thank you for bearing with me. 

• I am thankful for the trials set before me……

For it provided me clarity and understanding. I became stronger than I knew, found solace in speaking the truth and accepting the consequences. I still feel broken yet, the tears won’t come.  They are held in check by the fortitude given to me by my family. For many years I wondered about our strange interconnection and sometimes lack of it, yet I’ve watched them rally around, give me a channel in which to vent and allowed me some grounding through all of this. 

• I am thankful that my mom is alive….
  

Everyday I have with her is a gift. I see these days as precious moment to savor. My heart will be filled with late night talks, laughter through tears, reading to her the never ending saga of Lt. Eve Dallas. She thinks she is holding me back, yet what she forgets is that I don’t want to miss a moment of this time with her. 

• I am thankful for my nieces ….
  

It’s nice being the cool aunt, the one that you let into your world. You keep me young, you challenge me and sometimes make me talk to myself. 

• I am thankful for this rundown old house….
  

For it allows me to have something to do, something to learn. There is nothing like a new project to focus your mind. 

•  I am thankful for the old souls returning to my life and the new souls entering it….
  

Welcome to my nuthouse! Keep challenging me, pushing me to open up and melting the ice a bit. 

• I am thankful for the much needed kick in my ass….
  

For I gave up excuses and took driving off the back burner. By the close of this year I will be on the roads, so watch out!  

•  To all of you who have touched my heart in more ways than I can
  express…

               HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2015