When we were young, long before cell phones and selfies, was our senior prom. It was the ’80’s; home of big hair an cotillion style gowns.
My friend Tony, always the last to make up his mind, waited too late to ask me and I already had a date. With only 2 weeks left for his prom he put the remaining girls’ names in a hat and pulled out a name.
First mistake: it was a girl he barely knew, but he called her up and she was eager to go. She even had a dress in baby blue. She told him the silver would compliment her dark chocolate skin.
Thinking he was all set, he got his tux with a baby blue tie and cumberbund.
Second mistake: Two days before the prom, she calls him, crying.
“The dress doesn’t fit!”
“Doesn’t fit?!? Didn’t you try it on before you bought it?”
“Well I bought it a while ago, and when I put it on today the whole side ripped. I guess I’ve gained a little weight.”
“I guess so! So what are you going to do ”
“Don’t worry, my cousin has a dress I can borrow she’s coming over. I will call you and tell you the color.”
“Ok, just make sure it fits.”
Mistake three: She calls him later that day.
“It fits! But, it’s yellow. Can you get a yellow tie and cumberbund? Or black?”
“Man I don’t know it was pretty much sold out but he’s a friend so let’s see.
Tony goes to the tux shop, there’s no black and only a mustard green-yellow.
“It’s going to have to do, I can’t wear blue.”
“I will knock off 5% of the rental price.”
“Thanks man I owe you.”
Mistake 4: He calls her up and tells her that the limo will be outside at six. She says she’ll be ready.
They arrive and her parents say she’s running just a little late. 15 min go by, 20, an hour and a half. Tony clearly agitated says he will be waiting in the limo. Just as he is about to say “let’s go, I’ll stag it,” she emerges. His best friend starts laughing and Tony is stunned.
“Driver take me to the liquor store two blocks away.”
Arriving at the store, He tells the clerk, “take pity on a brother. My tie looks like puke and my date looks like big bird! I just need a pint of Hennessy!”
The clerk was laughing so hard he was crying and sold him the liquor.
It was 1/2 gone by the time the got to the yaht club two and a half hours late.
We were eating dessert when Tony, Marco, Yvette came in trailing this girl.
My mouth dropped open as this giant bruised banana walked in with silver white hose and silver shoes. ‘Please let that be Marco’s date and let Tony be with Yvette.’
A quick swig from the bottle he had hidden in his jacket and a glimpse of his tie let me know that my hope was wrong. Chiquita banana bird was Tony’s date.
He looked at me like ‘help me god’ and went to find his table in the back. Since they missed dinner we started a assembly line of desserts from the front to the back, which Tony gobbled down because he was starving. The date soon graves the camera and disappeared into the crowd of dancing ballgowns. Off came the tie and cumberbund and Tony was free to dance with his friends without big bird following. I gave him a hug.
“You poor thing who is that?”
“A bad nightmare”
Mistake 5: At The Hotel
As with all 80’s proms the party continued after the prom at various hotels. Tony was hanging with a group of friends called “The Lowy Boys” for their love of Lowenbrau beer? Big bird got sick and went to the room the 4 of them were sharing. When Yvette went to the room to sleep, the date was getting busy with someone else. Yvette left. Tony never made it back to the room and Marco took his date home.
Year’s later we all meet up again, Yvette tells me how the night ended and I laughed “oh no! Where was Tony?”
“Probably passed out in the tub.”
By chance Tony was telling the prom story when he saw me walking towards him.
“There you are! You owe me a prom date. I wrapped my arms around him and said well if you had asked sooner I would have and I guarantee you one thing if you had taken me.”
“Your prom date wouldn’t have slept with the school Gigalo.
Tony’s mouth dropped open. “H-how’d, h-how’d ya know…Yvette”
We all laughed.
So? Worth a chuckle?
No? Please leave me a message.
Yes? Click the link and donate to my friend Tony’s funeral fund. He was a dear friend who was taken too soon by cancer.