5 years ago


My dark half


5 years ago I never thought:

I would be quarantined for a year+

I would not be traveling

I would almost lose my mom and spend nearly a year in the hospital helping her get “home”

I would be left alone as her sole care giver on a daily basis

That my life and world would shrink into just 3 rooms of chaos.

That I would spend so many days feeling helpless and alone.

That my mom would never be the same

That life could spin so out of control so fast

That my world would get so terrifying

That there is no help, not for me.

That those acquaintances I was kind to would turn on me.

That I would be so unsure of what is around the corner.

That I would fear never being able to take another trip with my mom.

That I would helplessly watch someone commit slow suicide.

That I would feel so numb.


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I am grateful for:
• The blood that runs through these veins and this dang sinus cold for they tell me I’m alive

• For my friends good fortunes and success for I don’t want them to suffer

• For my friends “challenges” for it is through our mistakes that we learn

• my struggles, for I’m still standing

• My pain, for it’s an opportunity to rise above

• Others misconceptions of me, for it is fun to blow their minds

• Another year with my mom; for they get more precious with time
And there I stop as always fate interrupts and gives me a moments pause.
Tonight my mom took a nasty fall, landing on her right knee and smashing her forehead against the dryer. The very sharp surgical steel knife she had in her hand cut her nose in the process and the force with which she hit the dryer broker her nose.

There was so much blood. So much. I managed some how to get it clotted using pressure and ice. But, still needed to call the emt’s.

I spent hours in the emergency room trying to calm her down she was shaking so. All she kept talking about was getting her damn turkey in the oven.
She was so fragile, so small. I wanted to rock her in my arms.

She was terrified that it was going to be complications which would keep her in the hospital.
But, around 3am we found out that besides the nose break and enormous lumps on her forehead and knee, she was going to be ok.
I got her home and settled at 4am. Now I’m sitting her, keeping vigil while she tries to sleep.
I don’t care about the turkey or the pastries. I will stay with her tonight and tomorrow if she can’t make it to dinner. 
Tonight I was given a gift. One that resonates in my heart and will be there long after her bruises, cuts and nose have healed. I am so lucky to have her in my life 

“Be Limitless”