Exhaustion ripples through me like the thunder that echoes beyond the walls.
Hiring a housekeeper should not be so tiring, but I know it’s the emotional strain more than anything. I knew my family would resist the change. It’s a lot to ask them; to move outside their complacency and inertia. Yet, it has not changed my mind or resolve. This change will happen.
Our lives will be lead much differently from now on. The more they resist, the more they fight me, the stronger my will becomes. I’m not going to be lulled back into sleep, my eyes are open and I’m awake.
I don’t want to sleepwalk anymore. I want to feel life, experience life deep within my core. No more excuses, no more hiding behind the walls we’ve made.
I know this is a process. I know it will take time and that it will summon every ounce if strength within me, but I want it. I want it more than I can express. It is that hunger that insatiable need that keeps me going. My will is being tested. My will is strong. I can do this.
They will resist but I’m ready for it, more so now than I’ve ever been. So tonight I celebrate a small victory — the housekeeper.
Tomorrow begins a new battle. The purge.