Gratitude

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I am grateful for:
• The blood that runs through these veins and this dang sinus cold for they tell me I’m alive

• For my friends good fortunes and success for I don’t want them to suffer

• For my friends “challenges” for it is through our mistakes that we learn

• my struggles, for I’m still standing

• My pain, for it’s an opportunity to rise above

• Others misconceptions of me, for it is fun to blow their minds

• Another year with my mom; for they get more precious with time
And there I stop as always fate interrupts and gives me a moments pause.
Tonight my mom took a nasty fall, landing on her right knee and smashing her forehead against the dryer. The very sharp surgical steel knife she had in her hand cut her nose in the process and the force with which she hit the dryer broker her nose.

There was so much blood. So much. I managed some how to get it clotted using pressure and ice. But, still needed to call the emt’s.

I spent hours in the emergency room trying to calm her down she was shaking so. All she kept talking about was getting her damn turkey in the oven.
She was so fragile, so small. I wanted to rock her in my arms.

She was terrified that it was going to be complications which would keep her in the hospital.
But, around 3am we found out that besides the nose break and enormous lumps on her forehead and knee, she was going to be ok.
I got her home and settled at 4am. Now I’m sitting her, keeping vigil while she tries to sleep.
I don’t care about the turkey or the pastries. I will stay with her tonight and tomorrow if she can’t make it to dinner. 
Tonight I was given a gift. One that resonates in my heart and will be there long after her bruises, cuts and nose have healed. I am so lucky to have her in my life 

“Be Limitless”

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Thanksgiving 2014

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I am thankful for the letter “F”

I’m sitting watching skaters dance on Frog Pond this crisp fall day, remembering the days when my own childish laughter echoed through the bright days.

Closing my eyes I’m transported back to the past when the smells of leaves, apples and spices filled the air and the promise of snow was something exciting. I would sit under the dining room table next to the burning fire from the stove watching TV specials while mom turned out a banquet of treats both savory and sweet, in the three days leading up to thanksgiving.

The day itself could be summed up by the letter F:
Fun, Food, Friends, Family and Football.

Those memories have given me strength over this last year, which has been one of the most difficult in my adult life. It has made me look at this upcoming holiday season with a bittersweet anticipation. There is so much more difficulty ahead of my family, yet there is hope. Hope that sits in my soul that we can get back some of that laughter and excitement.

Reflecting on all that has transpired this year, I find that thanksgiving for me still equates to “F”. For every trial or opportunity that I have encountered it has been friends and family that have shown me support and the courage to go forward.

Every time I have wanted to retreat into my shell and stay there, a silver lining would surface allowing me to fight for the future.

For those of you who either participated or bore witness to this time, I have so much to thank you for:

Mary, you are so young and have a lot more learning to do, but on Barbie’s birthday you showed a clear headed calmness that was much needed.

To my family, thank you for rallying to my support when needed.

Billy I truly believe that the amputations will be a blessing in disguise for you, giving you more mobility, better health and a reason to fight for the future.

Mom and Dee spending time away from you has provided me with a clarity I wouldn’t have had, it has committed me to change with no going back.

To my friends, despite not being around much the few times I’ve reached out you have been there for me when I needed it. I’m not good at asking for help or sharing, but I’m learning and I am so very grateful to you.

To my new friends, welcome into my chaos. You are a true light shining in my weary world.

To the children in my life you keep me young and remind me of laughter on frosty fall days.

May all of you know the love and support I have had in this past year without the turmoil that precipitated it.

And may 2015 represent a new F… Living Fierce.

Happy Thanksgiving