What would I say to my father on this day? To a legacy born in violence, pain, lies, and cruelty? To the disease he has handed down that I must fight again?
My reality has never been a 50’s T.V. Sitcom. I will never know the peace of a quiet, ordinary life, and I can’t wallow in what might have been.
I exist in the present and that is enough.
If I could look into sober eyes, I think I would tell him despite the rage, anger, and tears, I have seen beneath his mask. I have seen the vulnerable parts, the pieces of kindness and compassion he desperately clung to and the reason why he could never totally walk away. I saw the damage and now I see the soul desperately lost and losing more and more of his reality. Yet, I see the glimmer of hope that always remained, like a life vest too small to offer salvation. For that glimmer, I can say “I forgive you”.
WOW! That’s pretty profound, sweetie. I could not have said it better! We both dwell within the identical branches, yet created by different people. I’m hoping the words you wrote, find their way to all those who bare the scars and hold the healing from wounds given by those who could not’ve imagined what their words and actions would do.