What would I say to my father on this day? To a legacy born in violence, pain, lies, and cruelty? To the disease he has handed down that I must fight again?
My reality has never been a 50’s T.V. Sitcom. I will never know the peace of a quiet, ordinary life, and I can’t wallow in what might have been.
I exist in the present and that is enough.
If I could look into sober eyes, I think I would tell him despite the rage, anger, and tears, I have seen beneath his mask. I have seen the vulnerable parts, the pieces of kindness and compassion he desperately clung to and the reason why he could never totally walk away. I saw the damage and now I see the soul desperately lost and losing more and more of his reality. Yet, I see the glimmer of hope that always remained, like a life vest too small to offer salvation. For that glimmer, I can say “I forgive you”.